Toddler Tantrum: Case study 1.
Typical characteristic of any toddler is their Tantrum.
More often parents loose their temper in the process of soothing their toddler or child.
Why? What should we do? How should we react?
Now, it is very important to understand their frustration and be firm and calm.
Why they show Tantrum? when they show Tantrum?
Lets do some mind exercise:
Understand and accept problem/challenge
Tantrums are a normal part of child development. young children show that they're upset or frustrated.
Solution for this problem? Set a goal:
So now when we accept it as a phase, we can think 'It is a challenge or lesson we are teaching them 'how to deal with a situation which upset us.'
How we can solve this problem or can show them right ways?
Now when we are clear in our mind that what we need to deliver as an effective parent we can analyse the situation and can think different ways.
Steps:
Most of the parents says, to be calm, firm.
Ooof, we all know, is it easy practically?
Yes, It is, Lets discuss how? Lets understand mind software.
Problem is: We don't know how to be calm in such situation? we can be calm for first few minutes but toddlers generally test our boundaries.
So, lets understand this process. How to be calm?
To be calm, we must detach yourself from them emotionally for a moment, that pause will give us peace and strength to deal with the situation.
Quite often when in public places toddler throw tantrum, we as a parent or carer feel embarrassed.
our embarrassment or feeling about what other people will think? etc will create stress in our mind.
The moment we are stressed, high chance we will be out of control. and we may react in wrong way.
Wrong methods we all do knowingly, unknowingly.: Shout and scream
Lets understand if shout and scream will be our reaction and for that moment out of fear, child may be in a control but it's long lasting effect is they learnt wrong methods when things upset them.
Was it our goal? Then?
Sometimes even parents become violent. do we really need it even a small amount?
If we are strong internally, if we are committed internally that we will be positive, calm, firm, and patience.
Will find some solutions:
for ex. if required plenty of small punishments we can use. Our goal should be shape a child's mind 'How to handle situation when something out of control'.
Once our goal is set, and we can give a pause for a moment to our mind, Mind is so powerful will show us plenty of different, creative, innovative ideas to deal with situation.
And then gradually things will be smooth, parenting is all about patience and shaping up child's mind along with ours.
It's like seeing a full picture or finding a missing picture while solving jigsaw puzzle. Isn't it?
What do we do to finish the puzzle? will find step by step missing pieces. does shouting, screaming, getting stressed, upset, will help? No, instead thinking or imaging full picture will help.
For ex:
My elder daughter's play date was fixed from tennis. my toddler age son wanted to join and it was not possible for me to join into their car. As a mother I was ready to leave him with my friend. My son was adamant to go with them only in their car. He was not getting my message that we can not leave our car here. and started throwing tantrum.
It was in a public. He was becoming violent, hyper, crying, stressed , whatever you can think and imagine. I tried giving firm and calm explanation for 3-4 times. My daughter was ready to cancel her play date. But my toddler was bossy at that moment. He was trying all possible options.
As a parent, if we do regular exercise of 'giving a pause' before we react, help us to be compassionate.
if our goal is 'shape a child's mind 'How to handle situation when something out of control'. we will feel more responsible. we will be able to detach our self.
1) I gave message to my mind. compassion. because he had limited knowledge, was not able to get my message. => outcome. I was not seeing his fault.
2) My goal as a responsible parent was in front of my mind because I gave a 'pause for a moment'.
=> saved myself from instant reaction and rather i was able to try distract him from the situation. still was firm and calm.
3) 'Pause' moment to my mind already set a function 'Take it easy => so no fear of public place, no embarrassment, no stress. just was able to see myself from a distance and infact was able to observe myself even in such challenging situation that see how much difficult for someone or pain we give when we are not able to understand right thing. feel sorry for ourself too :) Can we imagine how powerful mind? or how powerful software our mind is?
seeing us in our control, firm and calm, after some time, kids most of the time start listening.
4) I constantly remind them 'Be a good boy, have a good habit, listen mom and in action I cuddle, show compassion and love.
More often parents loose their temper in the process of soothing their toddler or child.
Why? What should we do? How should we react?
Now, it is very important to understand their frustration and be firm and calm.
Why they show Tantrum? when they show Tantrum?
Lets do some mind exercise:
Understand and accept problem/challenge
Tantrums are a normal part of child development. young children show that they're upset or frustrated.
Solution for this problem? Set a goal:
So now when we accept it as a phase, we can think 'It is a challenge or lesson we are teaching them 'how to deal with a situation which upset us.'
How we can solve this problem or can show them right ways?
Now when we are clear in our mind that what we need to deliver as an effective parent we can analyse the situation and can think different ways.
Steps:
Most of the parents says, to be calm, firm.
Ooof, we all know, is it easy practically?
Yes, It is, Lets discuss how? Lets understand mind software.
Problem is: We don't know how to be calm in such situation? we can be calm for first few minutes but toddlers generally test our boundaries.
So, lets understand this process. How to be calm?
To be calm, we must detach yourself from them emotionally for a moment, that pause will give us peace and strength to deal with the situation.
Quite often when in public places toddler throw tantrum, we as a parent or carer feel embarrassed.
our embarrassment or feeling about what other people will think? etc will create stress in our mind.
The moment we are stressed, high chance we will be out of control. and we may react in wrong way.
Wrong methods we all do knowingly, unknowingly.: Shout and scream
Lets understand if shout and scream will be our reaction and for that moment out of fear, child may be in a control but it's long lasting effect is they learnt wrong methods when things upset them.
Was it our goal? Then?
Sometimes even parents become violent. do we really need it even a small amount?
If we are strong internally, if we are committed internally that we will be positive, calm, firm, and patience.
Will find some solutions:
for ex. if required plenty of small punishments we can use. Our goal should be shape a child's mind 'How to handle situation when something out of control'.
Once our goal is set, and we can give a pause for a moment to our mind, Mind is so powerful will show us plenty of different, creative, innovative ideas to deal with situation.
And then gradually things will be smooth, parenting is all about patience and shaping up child's mind along with ours.
It's like seeing a full picture or finding a missing picture while solving jigsaw puzzle. Isn't it?
What do we do to finish the puzzle? will find step by step missing pieces. does shouting, screaming, getting stressed, upset, will help? No, instead thinking or imaging full picture will help.
For ex:
My elder daughter's play date was fixed from tennis. my toddler age son wanted to join and it was not possible for me to join into their car. As a mother I was ready to leave him with my friend. My son was adamant to go with them only in their car. He was not getting my message that we can not leave our car here. and started throwing tantrum.
It was in a public. He was becoming violent, hyper, crying, stressed , whatever you can think and imagine. I tried giving firm and calm explanation for 3-4 times. My daughter was ready to cancel her play date. But my toddler was bossy at that moment. He was trying all possible options.
As a parent, if we do regular exercise of 'giving a pause' before we react, help us to be compassionate.
if our goal is 'shape a child's mind 'How to handle situation when something out of control'. we will feel more responsible. we will be able to detach our self.
1) I gave message to my mind. compassion. because he had limited knowledge, was not able to get my message. => outcome. I was not seeing his fault.
2) My goal as a responsible parent was in front of my mind because I gave a 'pause for a moment'.
=> saved myself from instant reaction and rather i was able to try distract him from the situation. still was firm and calm.
3) 'Pause' moment to my mind already set a function 'Take it easy => so no fear of public place, no embarrassment, no stress. just was able to see myself from a distance and infact was able to observe myself even in such challenging situation that see how much difficult for someone or pain we give when we are not able to understand right thing. feel sorry for ourself too :) Can we imagine how powerful mind? or how powerful software our mind is?
seeing us in our control, firm and calm, after some time, kids most of the time start listening.
4) I constantly remind them 'Be a good boy, have a good habit, listen mom and in action I cuddle, show compassion and love.
So, in any situation, we work 'how to think, what to think, how to react, what to react, how to say and what to say?' Being a parent this is our homework. Effective answers to above will lead effective parenting. :)
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