Ethical Parenting

Most of the times we preach good values to our children, however in this competitive world our focus for academic excellence is upto an extent sometimes knowingly, unknowingly we teach Unethical way of winning.

My recent experience about Lego League Jr competition.

We group of 5 mums teamup for our kids.

Out of curiosity I was searching Robo kit for young kids and I came to know about this competition. I was so happy having idea about play dates with goal in mind for kids. Immediately took initiative and responsibility to lead team. Just within 2 days we had team of 6 kids. Lucky me, I have many good friends nearby.

Project topic was Mission Moon: Engineering book and Inspire set kit was designed by Lego.

we need to 'GUIDE' kids for brainstorming to building models, explore different ideas to survive on moon, requirement for moon base. motorizing lego model though programming and be ready for final presentation. :) Wow! at the age of 6-9 sounds brilliant experience.

Gradually other mums started taking initiatives as we all are engineering graduates and excited about project. So then project was moving based on mutual agreement among mums and we shared responsibilities.

Initial session were smooth, fun, lego building, thinking new ideas etc. Whole process was exciting.

Gradually few parents has started building models on behalf of their kids at home. I was happy to know that we all mums were thinking ‘Our team must win’. But question in my mind was ‘At what cost?’ we had a time limitation because late entry but why to build model on behalf of kids? why to make poster on behalf of kids? According to me our job as a coach or as a parent is to GUIDE kids not to make something on behalf of them. Isn't it Unethical? I tried to explain but under project dead line pressure I was experiencing peer pressure.

I was not convinced, tried to pass on my message that it’s kids project. Let them build. We had very limited time thus pressure to finish our sessions quickly and be ready for presentation. It was a team work so mutual understanding. My concern was ignored or I couldn’t raise a strong voice. I realized how peer pressure works.

My daughter is very creative in terms of poster making, having different ideas. she is good with Lego independent imagination rather follow instructions. But we had only one week for poster and thus we mums decided to HELP kids. Gradually like models, we were part of making posters. However we tried engaging kids as much possible.

My daughter was not feeling confident as other’s model was really good and she was started feeling low. I tried explaining it’s because their parents help. I was against in making model on behalf of my daughter. Till last day I was on my commitment, but saw my daughter is feeling sad about her work and not feeling confident for her presentation. Myself and my husband helped her. She did program part by her own but still she was not confident. Our team got medal and certificates. Everyone was happy but inside me something broken. 

I commit to myself now that I will not help kids in unethical way. Being a parent our responsibility is to GUIDE them, to HELP them. But there are right and wrong way. Our actions will influence them to walk on right and wrong.

Reason to start my diary from this incident as I am deeply hurt by seeing majority of us are following unethical practice in parenting. Those who don't want to do that feeling peer pressure. What is the solution? What is the impact on society when these kids will gain excellence in academics but are poor in ethics?